when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
