If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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