More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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