I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
