It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize