Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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