I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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