Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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