I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
