i jhust puked up my retainher.
I need to stop coming to work sober
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
