I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So here I am, sexting at work.
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