Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
