one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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