She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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