omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
