Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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