hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
