Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
