i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
