The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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