escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
