Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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