I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
