I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
