It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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