He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
