my mouth tastes like poor choices
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Randomize
