I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
