is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize