Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
