its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't deserve a penis
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
