how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
