Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
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We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
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There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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