Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
