The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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