So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
