there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
