Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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