There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
