were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
