I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
