Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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