well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
