morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
