I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
