I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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