Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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