I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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