my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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