The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
