Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
