Got a toothbrush?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He felt like a one man threesome
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
