So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize