Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Four minutes until I can fart!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
