Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
