a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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