this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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