I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
