mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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