he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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