Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
